Paris men’s Wednesday night billiards:

By Jeff “Stones” Johnston 

Sports Correspondent

"LOFT" and leftover shots at the table

It was another amazing evening of pool, fueled by the questionable entertainment of Oscar & The Cue Balls—a trio that proves three wits don’t necessarily make a half-wit. The atmosphere was light, but the play was deliberate; many games moved in slow motion as players realized that, in this room, accuracy counts for everything.

It was quite the night for Hot Wheels & Rubber Chicken, characterized by flat tires and cues that refused to unscrew. We were also served a classic pairing of Oscar and Fergie, reminding us all of the golden rule of the green felt: It’s not what you make; it’s what you leave.

As the evening unfolded and tactics were meticulously planned, Big Larry and Kopper remained as steady as ever, though they seemed visibly frustrated with the fluctuating pace and caliber of play. Meanwhile, keeping a "steady as she goes" rhythm, we had Willie D and Larry Pickaroo grinding through their matches.

The night saw a guest appearance by Hayden Stewart, while Motor showed up unexpected and partnered with me—much to his chagrin. After one particular sequence, he turned to me and remarked, "But your parents are such nice people." It was in that moment I knew we were truly bonding. Representing West Brant County style, Floody and GG (Greig) showed us all what a smooth ride looks like, marching confidently into the semi-finals. My own play, however, hit a bit of a snag. After a particularly egregious miss, I turned to Motor and asked how I could have possibly botched the shot. His reply was the undisputed quote of the night:

"You suffer from LOFT—Lack of Fargin Talent."

I laughed so hard I actually had to bow out. Oscar stepped in to take my place, as Fergie had to make an early exit due to a "stiff rack."

The semi-finals began with a procedural meeting where everyone eventually agreed that the cue ball is, indeed, white. On the table, GG pulled off a brilliant hook on Oscar, who was playing well enough to sink shots with his eyes closed, but it wasn't enough to stem the tide. In the other semi-final, Willie D and Pickaroo faced off against Kopper and Big Larry in a match where the tension was so thick you could chalk it up. In the end, Pickaroo and Willie D prevailed to meet Greg G and Floody in the finals. The balls remained bunched for much of the match—a frustration for any player—leading to some incredible geometric displays. Ultimately, Willie D and Pickaroo took the title, with Pickaroo delivering the shot of the evening: a spectacular bank into the side pocket on the 8-ball. Winner takes all. Thanks for the visit, Haybo, and all the best until next week, boys.