‘Head Space’: Being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely
By Independent columnist Brandon W. Hahn
I don’t think they explain loneliness very well in the manual for dealing with life on planet earth.
Being alone and being lonely are completely different things and relatively hard to wrap your brain around. I love being alone. Being in solitude. Being with “just me.”
I also love company and being social.
Both things can be true.
There are times when I feel lonely. Usually, I feel most lonely within crowds of people. Or standing in line at the bank. There’s something strange about feeling alone when you’re surrounded by people.
I think my loneliness is mostly due to believing I am not heard. That’s hard to explain.
I love being around like-minded people. People who understand where I’m coming from. People who can listen to one of my weird ideas and maybe even throw one back at me. I feel connected when I’m around people like that.
I can feel deeply, tragically alone when I’m not.
Then, there’s boredom.
When I’m by myself and can’t find anything to do, I’m both lonely and bored. I sometimes wonder if boredom might just be a side effect of loneliness. Or even a cause of it?
Maybe boredom is loneliness with nothing good on TV.
Occupying my time with worthwhile pursuits is the antidote, for me anyway. Having something to do that makes me feel productive with my time pretty much counters the lonely feelings.
Writing. School. A project. A walk. A conversation. Something creative. Something that makes me feel like I’ve made progress. Purpose.
But there are also times when doing absolutely nothing is beautiful for me.
Focusing on my inner self, my chi, every fabric of my being really is one of the ways I counter what irks me about consciousness and the mundane parts of everyday life.
Sometimes I need to occupy my mind. Sometimes, I need to let it be.
I’m constantly searching for things to occupy my fragile little mental state. I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing anymore. Curiosity keeps me moving. Creativity keeps me interested.
Having something on the horizon gives me somewhere to go.
All in all, this pursuit gives me something to look forward to in this world. Maybe that’s part of my answer to loneliness.
Not simply surrounding myself with people, but finding people, places and things that make me feel connected. Finding something that makes me want to get up tomorrow morning and see what happens next.
And maybe accepting that everybody else is trying to figure out their own version of this at the same time.
Being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely.
Being in my element. Allowing other people to be in theirs.
And hopefully, every once in a while, our elements overlap.
Brandon W. Hahn is a podcaster, screenwriter and mental health advocate. He hosts Snackable Mental Health on YouTube and writes about the strange business of being human.
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